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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Anesthetic Doesn't Make It Go Away - What my mother said to me



These are some of the hurtful, hateful things my mother said to me and about me.

Don't be like your sister. One in the family is enough

You can't come with us to the cottage. You have to stay home and take care of your father.

You're not the only one in this family.

How come she gets all the boys and all I get are girls?
(This was about her sister in law who kept having sons and all my mother had were girls.)

You can't go to the party. You have to stay home and watch your brother.

You can't get married then. It's our bowling night.

Nobody likes you and you know that's true.

It was so peaceful while you were gone.

As I made the two quilts, I felt the memories growing smaller. Now, they don't seem to be a part of me anymore.

7 comments:

Naomi said...

Here from QA.

My mother's comment, when I won a blue ribbon for my first really original quilt:
"That and a dollar will get you on the subway."

Karey's Mama project? A nice idea, but not one I could really get behind.

It does ache for years...like an amputation, of a feeling you should be able to enjoy.

Debra said...

Deb,

I know we didn't have the mother, but ours were channeling each other. Another not-big-fan of the I Remember project.

I know that when your mother calls you an SOB, you should not remind her that No, you're her daughter. But I cannot remember the consequences for doing so.

I'm not sure that the ache ever goes completely away...but you've taken a huge step in finding some healing.

marion said...

My mother adjusted the collar of my wedding dress and said 'I give it six months'. DH and I still laugh at it, 27 years later. You are not alone, Deb. I made a quilt with the same theme as this and burned it. Just making it, wasn't enough. Keep on keeping on.

Mandi aka Fabric Princess said...

I have been through the same stuff with my mom. It does wonders for ones self esteem :( . And I hate the "I Remember Mama" project. It may be nice for some, but I don't think it's an accurate representation of all of us. How about a "I'd like to Forget"?
Good for you to work through this in your artwork. And I think it's fantastic that you're sharing it with us!

Mary K. McGraw said...

YOur blog coincided with June 8's daily reading from "Days of Healing." I will just quote a little: "Because good choldren didn't act ou anger (or so we thought) we learned very early to turn anger into hurt. And there it may have stayed for many years, mislabeled and unrecognized." I know in my family of origin, you kept your hurt feelings to yourself. I just remember grying a lot. I hope your quilt is a healing quilt. Sometimes you just have to get it all out.

Beate said...

It's fantastic that you're sharing this work with us!
And I wish you you've taken a huge step in finding some healing.
And now is it time to be done a work with positive remarks, build up you, or what do you think?

Shelina said...

My mother told me that she wished she had the abortion she had been thinking of having. Ouch.